The Misadventures of the Motor City Machine Guns
by NinthWonderAssociations
Summary: When you're this sexy and talented, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Just ask Shelley and Sabin. Chaptered fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. We do not own or claim to own either of the Motor City Machine Guns. This is just going to be very random and probably off-putting at some points, so if you are easily offended or have no sense of humor, get out while you still can.  
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* * *

"Stop the car!"

"Oh, come on, it'll be fine-"

"Dude, the oil light is not flashing, it's BURNING CONTINUOUSLY. Stop the car!"

"Shut up, would ya?" Alex Shelley mumbled as he focused on the road ahead.

"I would like to live to see 29. Which means we get some oil in this car, and then get the hell out of here."

"Where are we gonna go? It's fucking 2 a.m."

Chris Sabin eyed his surroundings nervously as he stepped out of the passenger side of their rental car.

"Isn't there some kind of 24 hour place open? One that sells motor oil?"

"Yeah, probably," Alex sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "But I'm not exactly familiar with this area."

"And isn't it kinda creepy to you how every building looks the same?"

"Yeah, it is, but didn't the girls say this is typical of southern towns?" Chris questioned as he fiddled with the radio.

"Probably. I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention." Alex answered, with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Yeah, you were too busy picturing other things."

The younger of the two shot his friend a dirty look.

"And what's that supposed to mean, huh? You trying to say this is MY fault?"

"Well, if the shoe fits..."

"Oh, cram it, Sabin, like you weren't picturing Red in lingerie." Alex exited the car.

"I was not."

"Right, and Lacey really is a virgin like she claims to be. C'mon, you were so. You practically turned into a tomato. Don't lie."

"I'm not lying, and I can't help I turn red easily!" His friend's cheeks were a shade of bright pink, and he was trying desperately to deny the claim.

"Yeah, sure you weren't." Shelley shook his head. "You're almost as bad as Tina at lying, and she's horrible."

He glanced warily at the car. "Why fail me now, huh?"

"Because this is our luck. We already had that show in the middle of Redneck Hell, now we're deeper in than ever, and stranded." Sabin groaned.

"You think if I kick it, that will fix the problem?" Alex mused as he rubbed his chin.

"You think abusing the car is going to put oil in it?" Chris shook his head.

"Hey, at this point, I'll try anything," Shelley replied.

"How about we try walking towards that gas station up there instead, huh?" Chris nodded in the direction of a gas station just across the street.

"Sure. You go first." Shelley pushed his best friend in front of him.

"Oh no, you're the one who wanted to go to West Virginia, YOU go first."

"I didn't hear you complaining earlier!" Alex shouted.

"We weren't stranded in redneck hell earlier!" Chris protested as he tried to maneuver around his friend.

"Dude, quit arguing and walk already. I'm getting the heebie-jeebies."

With a growl, the fauxhawked man was seized by the shoulders and shoved ahead.

"Then RUN."

"Ow! What did you do that for?" Shelley yelled, rubbing his shoulders.

"Because this is YOUR fault. And you're going first. Hurry it up, I think I hear banjos."

"It's not my fault the car crapped out on us. I told you to check the oil, Sabin. Or were you too busy picturing Red in your, ah, bed?"

The younger man snickered as he said this.

Sabin turned purple, and shot a scathing glare at his best friend.

"I was not picturing her anywhere, thank you. And if I remember correctly, the DRIVER is supposed to check the oil."

"According to…?" Shelley questioned, clearly confused.

"According to me, that's who," Chris replied affirmatively.

Shelley rolled his eyes and shoved Sabin roughly.

"And quit ignoring what I said earlier, you were picturing Red in lingerie. Or nothing at all. In your bed."

"I wasn't the one pitching a tent in my pants at the mention of a policewoman outfit." Chris retorted with a snort. "So it seems to me that you have no room to talk."

"No, you were picturing her in a schoolgirl costume. Did the fantasy include her with a ruler?" Shelley questioned, smirking at the reaction he was getting from his tag team partner.

"I wasn't picturing her in any way, shape, or form," Chris insisted, wishing that Alex would just drop it already.

"Alright, stop it with this lying business. Look, Sabin, I'm your best friend. I'm not gonna bust your chops over it. So drop it, yeah?"

He shook his head as they continued walking, fully expecting a punch from his tag team partner.

Rather than punch the younger man, Sabin opted to shove his hands in his pockets and mumble quietly.

"Didn't we talk about your projection issues? Come on, louder." Shelley gestured with his hands as he spoke. "Speak up."

"Cram it, would ya?"

"Hold still," Alex said, as he reached into his pocket and pulled his cell phone out. Confused, Chris asked,

"What are you doing?"

"I wanna take a picture of this for later. Red needs to see this."

This time, Alex received a rather hard punch in the shoulder.

"Don't you DARE."

"You punch me one more time, and I'm gonna send a text with it telling her that you mumble her name in your sleep," Shelley threatened, smirking at the older man.

"Nice try, you don't have her number."

"Ah, but Tina does," Alex replied, holding a finger up. "You underestimate me-yet again."

"Ah, yes, but I'm sure she wouldn't give that number to anyone without Red's permission," the other half of the Motor City Machine Guns replied.

"Yeah, normally that would be the case, but you're not just anyone, now are you? Apparently Red has quite the crush on you."

By this point the two had reached the service station, and with his face turning a nice shade of red, Chris shoved Alex through the door.

"I mean it, Sabin, you shove me one more time-" He was interrupted by a portly man standing behind the counter.

"Can I help you boys with somethin'?"

"Yeah, we had to stop our car a mile or so back, we need some motor oil."

The man nodded and stepped out from behind the counter, as he wiped his hands on his overalls.

"Oil's on the third aisle." He pointed. "Holler if ya'll need help."

"Will do, thanks."

"Dude, what kinda oil are we looking for?" Chris whispered as they walked.

Alex peered at his friend questioningly, and paused for a second before he retorted,

"...What do you mean, what kind of oil are we looking for? I thought you knew!"

"It's your car! I thought **you** knew!" Sabin yelled, panicked.

"It's a rental, I didn't bother looking at the sticker!"

"Nice one, Alex," Chris groaned. "Do you ever pay attention to anything NOT video game related?"

"Yeah, I pay attention to everything about Tina."

This answer was met with a sigh.

"Let me rephrase, do you ever pay attention to anything NOT video game or Tina related?"

"...I'm offended." Shelley said, feigning hurt. Sabin shook his head.

"Shut up and take this, I think it'll work."

Alex huffed as he snatched the bottle from Chris's hand.

"I reckon we'll find out."

"Yeah, I guess we—" Sabin paused, the previous remark registering in his brain. Had his best friend just used a Southern word?

"Dude, you said RECKON."

"I did NOT." Shelley insisted, his face going red.

"Yeah, you did," Chris replied with a nod of his head. "You said, and I quote, 'I RECKON we'll find out.'" He choked back a laugh.

"Says the man who openly admits to watching "The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas". By the way, the girls were highly amused by that."

Sabin's face turned pale as he realized what his best friend had just said.

"You-YOU TOLD THEM THAT?"

"I didn't exactly HAVE to, Tina heard you say it," the former X-Division champion stated.

"Why didn't you lie and tell her she heard wrong or something?" Chris' face was now a shade of green.

"Oh relax, would ya? They both thought it was funny, and are openly busting my chops over it." The faux haired man laughed.

"Something about you having good taste in movies and me needing to see it."

"Hmph." Sabin shoved his hand in his pockets. "And they're right, you need to see that and 9-5. I can't believe you didn't know that Dolly Parton was an actress too."

"Gimme a break, would ya? I know nothing about country music!"

"And yet you're dating a southerner. And you stranded us in redneck HELL on the way to visit her." Chris shook his head once again as they reached the counter.

"Gimme the cash, Alex, so we can get the hell out of here."

Alex fished his wallet out of his pocket, glaring at the blue eyed man as he handed him a five dollar bill.

"What are you glaring at?" Chris plopped the bill down on the counter.

"You, for busting my chops. You're suppoesd to be on MY side here." Shelley pouted childishly as he spoke.

"And what indication did I give you that I'm not on your side?" His friend questioned.

"Their side is prettier."

"Come on, that was a joke, 'Lex."

"Oh, I see how it is, you're just siding with them because of a certain North Carolinian."

"No, that has nothing to do with it," Chris replied as he pushed the door open. "Did you WANT me to say that you're pretty?"

"Eat me," was the reply he received.

"How long have you wanted me to?" Sabin fired back, a devious look on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.

"Not funny."

Alex glared daggers at the cackling blonde, who was now stumbling along ahead of him.

"Au contraire, I think it's hilarious, and I believe if we actually called and asked Tina, she'd agree."

"...I hate you," Alex mumbled as they crossed the parking lot. "You don't play fair."

"Is it my fault your girlfriend takes my side?"

"Yes, because according to them you're "puppy dog cute". Hmph. They don't have to deal with you on a daily basis."

"What?" The older man laughed. "I AM puppy dog cute. I AM cuddly. Don't hate, appreciate."

"Shut your mouth and pop the hood."

"Pop it yourself." Sabin snapped back.

"Oh, so you're too busy popping something else to do it, is that it?"

"You wanna shut up about that?" Chris said, balling his fists.

"No, I don't, because it's fucking hilarious."

"Shut up, Shelley." Chris bent over and popped the hood and stepped back.

"There, happy?"

"No, I'm still in Kentucky, and I was supposed to be in West Virginia an hour ago."

Alex stated this from under the hood, as he attempted to remedy the oil problem.

"You're not that far from the border," Chris remarked as he glanced at his watch. "And she's not gonna be mad."

"No, but I miss her. And I'm tired. And right now the only thing I wanna do is curl up next to her and go to sleep."

"You really like this girl, don't you?" Chris questioned thoughtfully.

"Like is an understatement," Alex replied as he wiped his hands on his jeans.

"Hey, I think it's a good thing, man, I've never seen you this happy."

"Yeah, that's what Red said when she cackled at me for skipping to the ring the other night."

Chris snickered. "Well, she was right. You were skipping like Peter Cottontail."

Alex slammed the hood of the car, sending a withering glare at Chris.

"Get in the car, and let's get the hell out of here before some freakishly large, flannel clad redneck tries to make us squeal like piggies."

"You don't have to tell me twice," his tag team partner replied as he slammed the door and buckled up.

With a wide smile, Alex turned the key, only to find that the car wouldn't start.

"What the hell is wrong NOW?"

"Awww, fuck," Chris groaned as he threw his head back.

"...You left the headlights on, you mighty dumbfuck."

"The battery is dead. We are FUCKED." Shelley groaned as he mirrored his tag team partner's previous action and threw his head back against the seat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, this is not happening now!" Chris yelled as he slammed his hand on the dashboard.

"Dude, what are we gonna do?"

"...I think I saw car batteries back in that store."

"I don't wanna walk back there," Chris whined.

"Fine, tell you what, there's a Denny's right next door, we'll get some food, buy a battery, install the fucker, and then we can MAYBE make it to Tina's by 4."

"I dunno, are you sure about that?" Chris glanced around warily.

"How bad can it be? Southern people are hospitable," Alex replied. "We know this from experience."

"All right, let's go," Chris agreed as he got out of the car. He let out a heavy sigh.

"The battery. We are having the worst fucking luck ever."

"Hey, it's gotta get better from here, right?"

Sabin groaned again.

"It would have if you hadn't said that. Every time someone says 'it can't get any worse', it always does. You've seen enough zombie movies. You know this."

"I didn't say it can't get any worse," Shelley pointed out. "I said it's gotta get better from here. BIG difference."

"Yeah, guess we'll see."

The two of them walked in silence for a few seconds, taking in the area around them.

"Does it look like this in West Virginia too?" Sabin asked curiously.

"It's prettier, scenery wise," Alex replied.

"Out here it's kinda flat, in Tina's part of West Virginia, it's pretty much surrounded by mountains."

"Mountains are pretty," his friend agreed. "My brother took me fishing in North Carolina when I graduated high school. It was nice there."

"Glad you like it, Red lives in the mountains of North Carolina."

"Oh."

Chris averted his eyes, instead focusing on his shoes.

"That's, uh, nice."

His tag team partner rolled his eyes.

"Jesus Christ, own up to it already."

"What?" Chris questioned, feigning innocence.

"You know what."

Instead of retorting, Chris mumbled something that Alex couldn't quite hear and walked past his friend

With a roll of his eyes, the younger man followed, both of them heading for the door at the Denny's they'd talked about earlier.

"This is a nice place," Chris remarked as he stepped in. "Dude, I'm starved."

"Yeah, so am I-" Alex started, only to be cut off by a very plump looking blonde waitress, whose name tag read "Louise"

Chris noticed the look on his friend's face and raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?"

"Hey there, sugar, you look a little beat," the woman bellowed with a smile.

" Why don't y'all have a seat, and I'll bring you some coffee."

"Sounds great," Chris smiled at the woman as he settled himself in the booth.

Louise, whose lipstick was smeared beyond repair, winked at Alex as she walked away.

Chris cackled at the action.

"Why me? " Alex groaned as he rested his head in his hands.

"Why must I be cursed with rugged good looks and irresistible charm?"

"Don't flatter yourself, it's probably been a long time since she's seen someone dressed like.." Chris looked down at his friend's attire, "that."

Alex shot Chris an offended glare.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing, huh?"

"Actually, I take that back. It's not your clothes, it's the hair."

"And just what's wrong with my hair?"

Chris rolled his eyes.

"Dude, you need to lose the skunk stripe. It's not a good look on you."

"Chicks dig the stripe!" Alex protested, as he folded his arms over his chest.

"That's not what your girlfriend said."

"What are you talking about? Tina loves the stripe!" Alex insisted.

"No, she hates it, she's just USED to it," the other Detroit native answered as he glanced around the room.

"But apparently Louise likes it. I think you might even get her number." A smirk tugged at the corner of Sabin's lips.

Alex's face went pale.

"Don't even joke about that!"

At that moment, Louise sauntered up, two cups of steaming hot coffee in her hands.

"Here you go boys, fresh coffee." Louise drawled, sitting their cups down on the table. Glancing over at Alex, she winked again.

"Yours is on the house, sugar."

Chris almost choked.

"Dude, you get free coffee."

"Cram it," Shelley mumbled, as he stared at the table.

"No, I'm enjoying this." Chris cleared his throat and adopted a falsetto Southern accent.

"'Yours is on the house, sugar!'"

Glaring through narrowed eyes, Alex kicked the older man in the shin, hard.

"Ow! Damn it, Alex!" Chris yelled as he bent over to rub the spot where he'd been kicked.

"Lighten up, it was a joke!"

"It's not FUNNY."

"Oh, like you wouldn't be laughing if it was happening to me." Chris rolled his eyes.

"What would you boys like?"

Sabin glanced over the menu quickly before turning to Louise.

"I'll just have an omelet, thanks. And toast, if you have it."

"Yeah, same." Alex echoed, not wanting to draw any more attention to himself than possible.

"Comin' right up."

Louise winked again at Alex as she walked off, deliberately sashaying her hips.

"I'm going to be scarred for life," Alex mumbled.

"Hold still," Chris said, setting his coffee cup down as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I wanna get a picture of this."

"You take that picture, and I'll tell Red you've been having quality time with Tweeter while looking at her picture."

"Not gonna work, 'Lex. Besides, you were gonna do it to me earlier. Payback's a bitch, and so's your mom." He flipped his phone open.

"I mean it, Chris, I swear to God I'll do it."

"Come on, the girls will love it," Chris insisted.

"No, they'll exploit it. You know them, they'll write about it and post it on that writing website."

"All the more reason to send it to them," his friend chuckled. "This would make for one very interesting story."

"They'll give it to one of the slash writers."

"...They wouldn't," Sabin replied, his face pale.

"They would."

The older man shoved his phone back in his pocket and shook his head firmly.

"All right, you win, I won't do it."

"That's the smartest thing you've said all day."

"Dude, Louise is giving you the eye," Chris whispered as he leaned forward.

"Fuck."

Alex groaned quietly in frustration. The last thing he needed was the image of the waitress's attempt at being seductive burned in his mind.

"Tell her you have a girlfriend," Chris suggested.

"Better idea, I'll call her while Louise is standing here," Alex said as he dug his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Keep a lookout."

"All right, she's coming." Chris said as he craned his neck. "GO!"

Chris did his best to keep the laughter that was threatening to bubble up in his throat at a minimum, as Alex talked loudly and animatedly with his girlfriend.

"This is priceless," he muttered to himself.

Louise wasn't that easily deterred, however. Alex had barely snapped his phone shut before she started again.

"Need a refill, sugar?" She smiled and leaned forward.

"No, I'm good, thanks."

Chris snickered from his position in the booth. His best friend's expression could only be likened to that of a trapped animal.

"I'll just bet you are. Well, if you need anything, don't hesitate to holler."

"Alex, don't you want some more coffee?" Chris gestured to his friend's empty cup.

"It is late and we still gotta drive..."

"No, I do not. All I want is to get that damned battery and get the hell out of here."

"Yeah, I'm full," Chris patted his stomach. "So, are you gonna pay for this, sugar, or am I?"

"...I'm paying for the battery, you go pay for the meal. In fact, while you're doing that, I'm going to get the battery-the quicker we can get out of here, the better."

"You're gonna leave me in here with Louise?" Chris' eyes widened in horror.

"I don't think you're her type." Alex retorted.

The younger man had taken no more than three steps when he felt an unfamiliar hand grabbing his backside.

"Y'all come back now, you hear? We don't get to see cuties like you around here often."

She winked at Alex for what seemed to be the millionth time that night as she spoke.

"Coffee's always on the house for you, sugar."

"There will be no more coffee, and no more ass pinching, thank you. I'm a happily married man."

And with that, Alex quickly exited the restaurant, making a beeline for the service station. In the booth, Chris was practically choking on his fist to contain his laughter.

"I'm so gonna remember this for later," he said to himself as he walked up to the counter to pay the bill.

"Perfect blackmail material."

The blond man paid the bill and exited the restaurant, nodding at Louise as he stepped out.

He caught sight of Alex exiting the service station, battery in hand.

"Get me the hell out of Kentucky, now!"

"What's wrong, now?" Chris asked, amused.

"Look what followed you out!"

"What?" Chris turned around to see Louise standing behind him, a smile on her face.

"Oh fuck.."

Without a second's hesitation, Alex took off.

"To hell with this, I'm leaving with or without you!"

"I'm coming!" Chris yelled as he made a beeline for the car.

"Dude, what the hell? Why did she follow me out?"

"She knows you're with ME, that's why!" Alex exclaimed in frustration as he looked around nervously.

"Pop the hood, quick!"

Sabin reached over and did as his friend asked. He looked around nervously.

"You know how to put this in, right?"

"Easy, peazy, Japanesey."

Seconds later, the new battery was in place, and both men were in the car, frantically buckling seatbelts. With a cry of victory, the car roared to life.

"FLOOR IT!"

"YES!" Chris exclaimed, pumping his fist. "Now we're making progress!"

The car screeched as they pulled out of the parking lot, the two men thankful to be leaving the horrible Denny's experience behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**If you don't have a sense of humor, don't read this. Really, don't. Any flames are going to be deleted. This was meant to be funny, not offensive, so if you think you'll be offended, click out now. **

* * *

"...They asked you to bring in ALL THAT? Okay, lemme guess, boyfriend's tag team partner is a junk food junkie?"

"The worst kind," the other woman stated. "Seriously, you have no idea."

"So this is why you recruited me to help, huh?"

The redhead smirked as she looked over the large list compiled by the two professional wrestlers currently bunking at her best friend's house.

"Yeah, I couldn't do this without you," the brunette woman replied. "Seriously, I owe you."

"No problem, that's what best friends are for. If you're gonna do this, I might have to crash at your house too, just for the chocolate!"

Tina grinned and raised an eyebrow. "No, you'd crash at my house for the chocolate AND THE CUDDLY ONE."

"I'm not denying it, and hey, the guy can't help he's puppy dog cute."

"You WOULD think that," her friend laughed.

"I'm just a human woman, I can't help it!" She paused and mused over the list.

"This list is gonna take awhile. Hopefully they can keep themselves occupied without, y'know, totally destroying your house."

Tina groaned.

"Oh God, I'm gonna come back to find my house completely demolished, aren't I? You know how guys are."

"I know how you've described the cuddly one. Hyperactive? I think Shelley can handle him. Besides, you do have plenty of duct tape in the house, right?"

Tina blushed.

"Um, yeah...why?"

"We're probably gonna find him hanging on the wall if that's the case. To keep him from bouncing off of everything," Robin pointed out.

"If he gets in the sugar we're going to come back and find SHELLEY hanging on the wall." Tina warned, her face still red.

"And why are you blushing?" The redhead paused, and then realized the answer to her question.

"Wait, nevermind, I do not need to know the details of your kinky sex lives."

"Oh, shut up." Tina swatted the woman. "You and your dirty mind."

"I've been scarred enough from the slash, I need no more scarring."

* * *

"Dude, what's slash?"

Chris Sabin was bouncing. He was smirking and bouncing on the sofa and doing what he loved to do most-annoy his tag team partner.

Today's annoyance was apparently poking, as the fair haired man had taken to randomly doing just that to Alex's arm every few seconds.

"You're a child. Cut it out. And get away from the Mt. Dew, or I'll hang you on the wall with duct tape."

"Make me. Make me. Make me." Chris chanted as he continued bouncing.

"Fine, I'll tell you what slash is. The definition as given to me by my girl and her friend, was that people like to write stories about us. Apparently they like to pair us together, as in, like a couple. Slash is guy on guy."

The older man paused in mid bounce. His mouth dropped open and the box of Gushers that he had been clutching slipped from his hands.

"Dude, what? A couple? You're not serious." He hopped off of the bed and sped across the room.

"I am dead serious." Shelley replied pointedly. "And apparently, we are one of the most popular slash couples."

Chris scrunched his nose as he tried to process the information, his eyes going wide and his skin becoming pale.

"What's wrong with people? Where do they get these ideas?"

"I have no clue, but I'd like to find out. I'm curious as to what kind of things they have us doing." Shelley answered, his curiosity growing.

"I'm not sure I wanna know. I think it's gonna be bad."

"Ah, come on, how bad can it be? Most of the "authors" are fourteen year old girls. Do you really think they could do anything graphic?"

"Point taken." Chris settled in the chair beside his friend. "I mean, what's the most they'll have us do? Kiss each other? Grope?"

"Exactly. Child's play. Now, let's see, what did she say the name of that website was...?" Shelley mused as he ran his hands over the keyboards.

"Oh, yeah, that's it."

"And I bet most of it's riddled with errors, too. There's a reason the feisty one calls it the pit of despair."

The younger man nibbled his lip as he typed in the address and pushed the enter key. A few seconds later, the page appeared and he smiled.

"Ah, here we are. Let's see, let's see...why don't you pick one?"

"Why do I have to pick one?" Sabin asked, wrinkling his nose.

"This was your idea, you pick one!"

"I don't wanna..you pick." Sabin shoved the man, but finally clicked on a link, as he shot a glare at the faux-hawked man.

"There. Happy?"

His eyes scanned the page quickly as he read, his previous look of happiness quickly fading away.

"DUDE! LOOK AT THIS!"

"Oh my GOD." Shelley clapped a hand over his mouth in shock.

"DUDE WE WOULD NEVER-I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GONNA BE BAD!"

Chris slugged Alex in the shoulder repeatedly, resisting the urge to claw out his eyes.

"Ow, stop hitting me!" Alex rubbed his arm. "It was your idea! You asked!"

"My idea? Like hell! This little excursion was YOUR bright idea! I may go BLIND! AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Aw, knock the dust off it already, would ya? You're not gonna go blind." Alex shot his tag team partner a dirty look.

"I'm gonna tell Tina and Robin you're scarring me. You know what happens when you try to scar the cuddly one."

Alex rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you're gonna go tell that I was mean to you?"

"Yeah, I am! Because you know Tina will cut you off!" Chris folded his arms over his chest as he spoke.

"And didn't she say her friend had a thing for blowtorches and medieval torture? She likes me; she'd kick your ass!"

"You're not gonna tell either of them anything, because if you do, I'm gonna tell them that **you **talked me into this," Alex replied.

"I'll tell them I asked what slash was, and you said we needed to check it out!"

"Yeah, but no one MADE you! I didn't put a gun to your head!"

"Shut the fuck up and pick another link already. It's your turn." Sabin settled back in the chair and pushed the mouse over to his tag team partner.

"Yeah, after that last one, I'm not so sure I wanna see any more." Shelley said.

"Oh no, I had to pick one, now YOU have to pick one. If you don't," Chris chose his words carefully, "I'm gonna tell them you hit me."

"I..." Shelley began, but was cut off.

"THAT YOU ASSAULTED ME, AGAIN, FOR NO REASON!"

"SHUT UP! YOU WERE FUCKING POKING ME!" Alex screamed, clearly irritated with his friend's behavior.

"I WAS NOT! I was teasing you over Tina getting you so wound up! It's not MY fault that your gun was ready to explode!"

"WOULD YOU STICK A CORK IN IT ALREADY?" The younger man's voice practically boomed, before he narrowed his eyes and swung at the older man, hitting him in the shoulder.

"NOW you won't be lying if you tell them."

Chris rubbed the spot where Alex had hit and pouted, his expression resembling that of a child's.

"Now you really are gonna be in trouble, dude. I told you. I'm telling the feisty one. She'll kick you in the balls."

"No she won't, Tina won't let her," Alex snarled at his friend.

"You wanna bet? Tina doesn't want you hitting me either. I'm too cute and cuddly."

"Alright, do you HAVE to rub in the fact that my girlfriend finds you charming and adorable?"

"Yes, I do. Because I have not one, but BOTH of them wanting to cuddle me and pet my hair and rub my tummy. I can't help it that I'm puppy dog cute. And it's not my fault that I bring women to the brink of ecstasy without even trying." He smirked at Alex.

"Oh, well, look at this." Alex returned the smirk as he pointed to the screen.

Chris sat up in his chair.

"Dude, if it's one where I'm your bitch, I don't wanna see it."

"Looks like we have stumbled upon an orgy. You, myself, Jerry Lynn and Kevin Nash. With a bit of Austin Aries on the side."

"DUDE! THEY EVEN BROUGHT IN KAZ! I am scarred for life."

Chris moaned in agony as he buried his now red face in his hands.

"And here I thought the only thing that made you turn that red was the feisty one wanting to find out how cuddly you are."

Chris looked up and swatted his partner again.

"Dude, quit it. I don't make fun of you."

"And don't deny it either. By the way, were you the one who asked her on that question page the other night who her girl crushes was?" Shelley asked.

"...Shut up, I can't help I'm curious!"

"Oh, so it WAS YOU."

"And the Nash thing was your fault, you were overly touchy feely with the guy during that storyline." Sabin pointed out reasonably.

"AND THAT LINE ABOUT HIM BREAKING YOUR HEART."

"It was a STORYLINE! NOT REAL! FICTION!" Alex threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Jebus, it's not like I went behind a curtain and let him blow me or anything."

Chris was outright rolling in laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Oh yes it is! Dude, the look on your face is priceless!"

Alex scrunched his nose up in disgust.

"Oh, I wouldn't be laughing. You should see the one where you were paired with Sonjay, Jay, and Low Ki."

"WHAT?" Chris was horrified. "Dude, NO!"

"Yeah, not laughing now, are ya?" Shelley snapped back, a sneer on his face.

"At least I wasn't a bitch to AUSTIN ARIES."

"No, you were my bitch." Alex shuddered. "Don't even say it, by the way. I'm still trying to shake THAT discovery off."

"I think I'm gonna hurl..."

Chris's face was now a pale shade of green, and he looked more than a bit queasy.

"Join the club." Alex pulled out a trashcan.

"See what happens when you ask questions?"

"There's got to be something where we're actually paired with women, right?" Chris questioned in a hopeful tone. "Please?"

"If there are," his friend replied, "I haven't seen any. At least not yet."

"Well look for some!" Sabin screeched.

"I wonder if the girls know about this..."

"Oh, here we go, Sabin/OC..." Shelley laughed and stretched his arms.

With a smirk, Alex began to read over the first chapter. Within seconds, he'd nearly fallen out of his chair in laughter.

"Oh my GOD. You are so out of character in this."

"What? What's so funny?" Chris demanded.

"I wanna see!" He scooted closer.

"...WHAT THE? I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT! Has this idiot even graduated high school?"

Alex was practically rolling in laughter, tears streaming down his face.

"You...it..." He could barely speak.

"NOW I know why they call it the Pit of Despair!" Sabin moaned.

"This is HORRIBLE. Where is that review button they're so fond of...?"

"Uh, down at the bottom." Alex scrolled down.

"Hey, be careful when you leave that review, huh? We don't want to, ahem, encourage them."

"I'm going to tell her how god awful this thing is! Net speak, for fuck's sake!"

Three minutes later, with a very satisfied smirk plastered on his face, Chris punched the enter button.

"Let's see how you like being scarred."

* * *

"Tina, I get this funny feeling that the boys have gotten into something...uh...frightening."

"Oh come on." Tina shook her head.

"How much trouble could they POSSIBLY get into?"

"Um...well, did you leave your laptop on, by any chance?"

"Yeah, why?" Tina questioned, curiously.

"Should I have turned it off?"

"...My spidey senses are telling me that they might have stumbled upon slash."

The brunette groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. Her best friend's "spidey senses", as they were affectionately known, were almost never wrong.

"Oh dear Lord..."

"Although I think, at the moment, they might be glancing over some of the OC fics."

"Do you think that might cause more damage than the slash did?"

Tina shrugged.

"Well, with the OC fics, they're probably going to just scream and yell about how out of character they are. With the slash..."

"True..." Robin's voice trailed off.

"You think they might have found the Buckcest yet?"

"Don't even joke about that." Tina held up her hand. "I think it might be what drives them over the edge."'

"Well it's Sabin's fault! He's the one who made the remarks on Destination X about spooning and dry humping and SpongeBob blankets! THAT scarred me!"

"It makes you wonder if he KNEW what he was doing, doesn't it?" The older woman remarked to her friend.

"If he knew what he was doing, I will go onto my fanfiction account and personally force him to take responsibility."

"And the look on his face when he said it!" Tina cringed as she recalled the event.

"He looked a bit turned on. That's going into a fic, somehow, some way."

"Methinks the cuddly one might have a bit of a fetish," the West Virginia native stated with a grin.

"Methinks you might be right."

* * *

Meanwhile……

"...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A FETISH?" The older of the duo bellowed.

"Dude, YOU are the one who made the dry humping and spooning comments in that interview. THIS FIC IS YOUR FAULT."

"I didn't know people would take it that way! It was just a promo! I got caught up in the moment!"

Alex pointed at the screen, shooting his tag partner a dirty look.

"I don't care what your reasoning is, this is YOUR fault."

Chris narrowed his eyes, before picking up the open can of Mt. Dew and chugging it.

"Oh yeah? Well I say this whole fiasco is YOUR fault."

"Put that Mt. Dew down," Alex ordered. "What do you mean, it's MY FAULT? What did I do?"

"Eat me." Chris retorted, chugging another one before replying,

"YOU ARE THE TOUCHY FEELY ONE OF THIS TEAM! You like to pet hair!"

"Oh, and you're not?" Alex retorted, reaching for the Mountain Dew. "You're the one who likes to grab my chest."

Chris yanked it out of his reach, chugging it once again.

"I'm not as touchy feely as you are-and stop trying to hold my hand, you can't have my Mt. Dew!"

"No, you're worse-and I'm NOT TRYING TO HOLD YOUR HAND!" Alex reached yet again for the can of pop, but his partner maneuvered it out of reach.

"Put the soda DOWN." Alex snarled, his fists balled.

"Make me."

"I don't have to, when the feisty one gets here; she'll be more than happy to tackle you."

Chris turned red, this time his face resembling a tomato.

"SHUT UP!"

"OOOOOH! I hit a nerve! I think you like her!"

"Shelley, I'm warning you now, shut up," Chris growled, as he balled his fists up.

"Hey, it's not my fault you're a big chicken," Alex held his hands up.

"And remember, the no abuse rule works BOTH WAYS. You hit me and they'll scold you."

"No, because you're picking on me for no reason. AGAIN."

"No, I'm busting your chops because you obviously like the girl and won't admit it."

Chris stared at the floor and then back up at his partner.

"Well, I didn't TEASE YOU about Tina!"

"Uh, yeah you did," Alex answered. "Annoyingly."

"You hit me! And you were merciless! Payback is a bitch and so is your mother."

"Aw, shut up." Alex plopped back down and resumed the task at hand.

"What do we have here-oh GOD."

"Oh God, what?" Sabin winced.

Alex, mortified, merely pointed at the screen.

There, in black and white, was the most disturbing piece of slash he'd ever seen. The Hardyz, Generation Me, and The Motor City Machine Guns, in a massive orgy.

Chris took one look at the screen, then at his partner, before they both simultaneously turned and began to heave.

Meanwhile, just outside, Robin and Tina were gathering bags of groceries from the trunk of Tina's car.

"Think this will be enough to do them for the next few days?"

"Yeah, it should work," Tina replied as she adjusted the bags she was carrying. "I swear, they're going to eat me out of house and home."

"Watch your step, hon."

"Hey, Shelley's probably already eaten you out of more than that."

"Oh, look who's funny," Tina retorted. "And haha, wouldn't you like to know?"

"Well, your face is giving you away; it's such a pretty shade of blue. And it was your choice of words; you are the one who opened the door. I just walked through it."

"Oh, shut up," the brunette replied. "Like the thought of Sabin going all red doesn't make YOU blush."

"Actually, the thought of Sabin turning red is adorable."

"I could mention the shower incident, but I won't, because I'm nice," Tina giggled.

"Shut it, I still owe Shelley a kick in the balls for that."

"You're not gonna kick him in the balls," Tina said firmly. "It's not his fault there's obvious sexual tension there."

"No, but it's his fault for turning me blue. I don't like turning blue."

"Oh, you think I like turning blue?" Tina put her hands on her hips. "Do you think I enjoy the fact that, for almost two months, I couldn't talk to him because the two of you had to come up with ways to make me turn black?"

The two had just walked into the kitchen, when they caught sight of both men lying in the floor, and curled into the fetal position.

Tina turned to Robin.

"What's going on here, guys?"

Chris, whose face was still tomato red, managed to grind out two words.

"Slash...scarred..."

"I told you they'd found slash." Robin nodded at her friend.

Tina crossed the room and knelt down below Alex, a worried look on her face.

"Are you okay, hon?" she questioned. "What happened?"

Before she had time to process what was going on, she'd been tackled backwards and hugged tightly.

"Oh, thank God you're home! I like girls, please tell these nuts that I like girls!" Shelley repeated.

The woman giggled. "What are you talking about?"

"Slash! We found it and READ it!"

Tina and Robin both burst into laughter, the redhead almost rolling at the exclamation.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! MY SPIDEY SENSES ARE NEVER WRONG!"

"WE TOLD YOU!"

Tina shook her head.

"Robin. Look at them!"

"Hey, we warned them," she replied, before glancing down at Sabin. With a sigh, she knelt down next to him.

"Come on, get up."

"Don't wanna." Chris replied, his voice muffled. "It...scared me..."

"Come on, there's chocolate in the kitchen with your name on it, for a price."

"Chocolate?" At the mention of chocolate, the fair-haired man's eyes lit up. He sat up quickly.

"Where's chocolate? I want some. Can I have some?"

"Depends, can I find out how cuddly you are?"

At this, Chris practically charged toward the redhead, glomping her in a crushing hug.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Alex wouldn't give me chocolate."

"Mmphbreef." Robin mumbled, unable to speak.

"Oh, sorry!" Chris stepped back. "Did I hurt you?"

"Hurt her? Hell no, you made her year!" Tina laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yet another random chapter. Don't even ask, these come out of nowhere. Enjoy anyway.  


* * *

**

Nobody ever said that moving in together had to kill the romance. Joshua Harter—better known as TNA Superstar Chris Sabin—had embraced this fact, and was doing something he would normally never even consider in his wildest dreams.

He was going to a Yoga lesson.

"Are you sure you want to try this? It's a pretty advanced course, Josh."

The fair haired man gestured to the hot pink Yoga mat he'd purchased the previous day, along with his current attire.

"I'm wearing the short shorts, aren't I?"

"If you were anyone else, I'd say you were using me for a beard. Since I know better, I'll just try not to laugh too hard."

"Well, not all of us can look like a stone fox while contorting ourselves into a pretzel. You happen to pull that off very well, by the way. Besides, isn't this supposed to help increase flexibility?"

Robin tossed her auburn hued locks over her shoulder, sending him a flirty grin as she bent down to retrieve her own Yoga mat.

"I was beginning to think you hadn't noticed that!"

"Oh, I noticed. Do I get brownie points for tagging along?"

"Depends, what do you wanna cash them in on?"

"A test of flexibility after class?"

The redhead rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Sure. Would I be right in assuming you mean the x-rated sort of flexibility test?"

"You know me too well."

Josh eyed his live-in love closely as she tied her sneakers. He could tell by the smirk on her face that she was up to something.

"I think I want to jog to class today."

"…What? I thought we were driving!"

Josh's face had began to turn a nice pink colour at the thought of jogging to a Yoga class, considering what he was wearing.

"What, and miss the chance to ogle your ass for a change? Not on your life. Besides, a nice leisurely cardio warm up would do us both some good. Last one there gets blindfolded later…"

"Well, when you put it that way…"

Josh trailed off, planting a kiss on her lips, before taking off down the hall.

"Cheater!"

Within seconds, Robin had taken off after him, laughing as he turned to pull a face and give her the finger.

* * *

Meanwhile, a mere five blocks away from the Harter-Leigh residence, Josh's self-titled "heterosexual lifemate" was parking his girlfriend's anniversary gift outside their apartment building.

Patrick "Alex Shelley" Martin had never been one to be outdone, especially when it came to romancing his lady. Josh had opted to sacrifice his dignity on the altar of love, while Patrick had opted for a more lavish approach. Rather than don short shorts and tote around a Yoga mat, he'd purchased Tina a sleek black Harley Davidson motorcycle.

He finally managed to park the bike, and removed his helmet, hanging it on one of the handle bars.

For most women this would have been quite the gift giving faux pas, but not for Tina. She, like her redheaded best friend, was Southern. This meant that she'd grown up learning how to shoot, how to field dress animals, and how to either ride or drive anything with an engine, especially if it was going through a muddy field. How did he know this? He'd had the pleasure of going back to West Virginia with her for a two week span over the summer. She'd dragged him to the nearest Jeep, and taken him mudding, first thing after meeting her parents.

If he'd managed to time things as perfectly as originally planned, his girlfriend had just finished up the blueberry flavored waffles he'd left on the kitchen table, and had found the note instructing her to get dressed, and meet him out front. There, she would find him sitting on her anniversary gift.

Right on schedule, the chestnut haired light of his life emerged, pausing only once to tie her boot laces.

"Patrick—Is that a _Harley_?"

Patrick grinned like an idiot as she knelt next to the bike, inspecting it closely.

"It is indeed, and it's all yours."

"Mine? You bought me a Harley?"

"Only the best for my girl. Besides, it gives us an excuse to go on a road trip this summer. Happy anniversary."

Within seconds of the words leaving his mouth, he found himself sandwiched between the bike and his girlfriend, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.

"I say we take this beautiful machine for a spin. And maybe when we get back, I can take you for a spin."

"It's a date. Do shacked-up people even go on dates?"

"Well, if their names happen to be Patrick and Tina, they do."

Tina winked at her boyfriend, before pulling on her helmet and mounting the bike. With great glee, the man climbed on behind her, pulling on his own helmet before wrapping his arms around her waist. He then began to scream like a small girl as she popped a wheelie on her way to the traffic light at the corner.


End file.
